Just to clear things up...

I think it's a good time to just clear the air on a few things...

I'd like to set a few things straight.

I have two children.
Both by the same father - who I have been with for 6, count them, SIX years. Not 3, not 1. 6!
Two children that are only 19 months apart.
I also attained my AA in Psychology and almost my BA since getting pregnant almost 4 years ago.
I lived 18 hours away from ANY family who could have or would have helped me at all with my babies for the first 3 years.
In the 3 years that I have been a mother - I have had a babysitter maybe 3 times. MAYBE.
My children have never been sent to another state for a week or even a day without me or their father.
My children have never been dropped off at someone else's house to be babysat for an entire weekend whilst I galavant around a city far far away. Never. Not even for a weekend while I was nearby.
Never for more than overnight..and never, EVER both kids at once.
NEVER.

I am married...to the father of my children. If you knew me, you'd know that. It's public info...go search for it. Call it what you want. I'll call it what we want. I didn't meet him when I was with my ex, I know that's right! & I surely didn't "fall in love & want to marry" 3 other men before meeting my soulmate. Or 10 or 15 other men, for that fact!

I have NEVER, EVER pawned my children off on ANYONE! NO FRIENDS, FAMILY, ANYONE!

What I have done...what I am guilty of is....saying I needed a break, wanting a break, wishing for a break, crying because I needed a break....

But, guess what else....

I've never had my BOYFRIEND call up my family and say "Hey, we're dropping off the kids because Kristen needs a break".

Nope. Never.

Yes. My own mother has helped my family (myself, kids) out financially & emotionally. I think everyone has had help from their parents before....especially the great big FAT ASS kettle I'm referring to.

Everyone who really knows me, knows that my father and I have never had the best relationship. Well, even my father and Mr.B. have spoke about our life since moving here to FL and my own father, the one referred to me tonight as "The Ass", told Mr.B. he believes some people go through times of bad luck in their life...Wow, if Mr. Insensitive can come up with that...what's wrong with these people who seem to think they are family. But, I suppose having our rent paid was a handout. Yes...I loved living for 6 months not knowing how I would pay for a diaper for my child. How I would pay for gas in our 1 car. How we would pay for a flat tire. Tylenol for sick kids. MILK FOR MY BABY.

I guess it's a handout when we spent every single weekend sitting outside at a flea market selling hand made jewelry just to have $50 (hopefully) so we may have some worry free gas in the car or groceries or diapers.

I switched to cloth diapers for my baby...I don't give a crap about the environment, I care that my child has a damn diaper on!!!

I make my own laundry detergent. I don't care about carcinogens in store bought soap - I WANTED TO HAVE CLEAN LAUNDRY!

We played in the water hose this summer...not because we liked it - because we couldn't afford a 40 minute drive to the FREE BEACH!

I pawned my 50" LCD TV to pay for our electricity bill because I thought I was getting a tax return in a week and could just go get it back out....It never came and I lost my TV....I never asked anyone to go pay  to get it out - that's a luxury....NOT A HANDOUT! I didn't see it was important to have a 50" when I couldn't even put gas in our car. It was our decision to let it go...nobody but us made that choice. But I guess we were just looking for a handout.

I spent 2 months trying to get off all my medications that a dirty doctor had me on for years in Kansas City, when I first came to Florida at the first of the year....Sick as a DOG. Never got that break I was always needing (oh, but you knew I was sick, too!). I sucked it up and did it all. I didn't even have the heart to tell many people and still, hardly anyone knows what I really went through. Because I didn't need any pity...I needed to get well, for myself, for my children. For my family. And damnit, I did it.

But I guess all I've been doing is looking for a handout. And looking for someone to take my kids and babysit them.

This is all I'll say for now. When I calm down and can see more rationally, I'd like to post more.

I have so much more to post.

How about the story of when I was about 8 years old....locked in your car.....with you....scared to death....remember that one? Or, what about when I was alone in your apartment (same age)...what was his name?

Yeah....you love me, alright.




That's all there is to it,